PTSD & Covid-19
COVID-19 Through the eyes of a PTSD sufferer; for the purposes of this post the person has chosen to remain anonymous.
“I was diagnosed with PTSD a little over a year ago, I was just coming to terms with being ill when lockdown struck. I knew I was messed up but refused to accept it. I felt like the illness made you weak and almost pathetic in the eyes of other people, so tried to avoid admitting it at all costs.
My day to day before lockdown WAS lockdown. That is how sad my life is, you avoid situations, you avoid people, you avoid the public, you avoid the work Christmas do’s, you just want to be home and pray you don’t get reminded on what messed your brain up all those years ago.
The reason why I messaged this new charity was to simply say this “when you are feeling down with having to restrict your lives for a year, remember there are poorly people walking around having lived lockdown for years and the even sadder thing is, it will continue for us years after Boris releases you”. Try to bear this in mind when you stare at people like me when we walk into Tesco without a mask on. When I’m choosing what bread to have, and people are diving around me like I have just rolled in something bad.
The sad thing is, if people knew, I’m almost certain they wouldn’t act like this but it’s as simple as this; there’s no cast on my arm people can’t see the illness. People just see someone ‘breaking’ the rules and treat us like were walking around with five heads. But you have no idea how many hours of build-up and preparation it has taken for people like me simply to leave the house, let alone get in the car and on top of that being watched as you approach the store knowing everyone inside is judging you. Because of this, for me personally my anxiety is through the roof. I hate the fact I am scared to leave the house. I hate the fact I am scared to answer the door and on the random 1 in a 30 chance I have woke up feeling positive that day and actually manage to go to the shop, I hate the fact everyone is watching and judging me as I just do my shopping. Since lockdown I feel even more like an alien than I did before. It’s not just me at war with myself anymore it’s the public also.
Depression has taken on a life of its own, when I am alone at home I have found myself looking at things that would support my weight, looking for an easy way out, then I look at a picture of my children and wife and snap out of it. I know if I told anyone about this, I know for certain that the people in Tesco would no longer judge. It’s just they aren’t aware and that’s the reason for this post.
Drinking has increased massively, I’m chasing that quick fix separation from reality, I know deep down drinking is the worst thing I can do because it just adds to this cycle, but at the time you don’t care.
I know this Facebook group is new so I’m hoping they post this, on the off chance they do, if this post helps just one person it would have been worth it. This illness needs to be advertised, made aware of and more importantly support needs to be there, that’s why causes like this are amazing.
The one point I gave to my councillor a few months ago is this “this doesn’t start at 9 and end at 5, it wakes you up screaming…that’s if you have even fallen asleep.”